Is your mother-in-law ruining your marriage?
There are several issues looming here that I can see. Most times, the in-laws seem to get away with being overbearing for so long because you are trying your best to be respectful of them, for several reasons.
First, your grandmother would turn over in her grave if you knocked your mother-in-law upside her head.
Secondly, you might not want to upset your brand new hubby with tit for tat shenanigans with his mother.
Thirdly, you may have an insatiable need to be liked by your in-laws, especially since you found out that your husband’s ex-girlfriends are still on their Christmas list.
Whatever your reasons are for wanting to make it work between you and your in-laws, keep in mind, it is a two way street.
You should not have to endure such a daunting task alone, trying hard to gain acceptance when you should be focusing on your new marriage. However, I would certainly advise anyone to put forth an earnest effort at making it right between the merged families.
Your husband is the key player in all of this. He may not agree, due to the consequences he may undergo. He will have to deal with his mother about this issue at some point, which puts him, dead center in the middle of all the drama between the two of you.
He will certainly want to steer clear of that. If he goes against his mother, she will surely remind him of the twenty-seven hours of labor pains she went through to bring him into this world. On the other hand, there’s you – his loving and devoted wife, that he stood up in front of a church full of folks and God, confessing his undying love for…and don’t forget the part of the vows about forsaking all others.
This man will be doomed either way.
So, express to your in-laws that you want to have a successful relationship with them. Encourage them to reach out to you, as if you were their own daughter.
Invite your mother-in-law out for lunch sometimes, at your expense, just the two of you. When she invites you and your husband over for Sunday dinner, make sure to tell her what an awesome cook she is and ask her for recipes, as you offer to help her in the kitchen.
Make her feel as if she is not losing her only son, but gaining a daughter-in-law. Share with her your feelings about some things going on in your life, nothing too personal about your relationship with her son though, because it just encourages her to meddle.
Don’t be afraid to take the first step. Setting clear boundaries from the start will help a lot.
You can have a prosperous relationship with your in-laws if you so choose. Don’t let ego and pride get in the way. Be the bigger person at all times and kill them with kindness.
By Susanna K. Green